MELTING POINTT

Breakdown moments...

(Madrama at mahaba 'to, kumuha ka ng tissue. At oo, in English)


"Today I feel like c***. Sorry for the word but I really do. Everyday, every time I go to school, I'm just, dragging my feet. I'm forcing myself to get up, and face the day. I'm fed up. I'm getting tired. I thought I was fine, but NO I WAS NOT. I don't know what to do with my life anymore, and so it begins. I stared at the floor, then suddenly, tears started to fall. Once again, I was talking to God:

Lord God, I don't know what to do anymore. I just really don't know. I want to give up. I want to run away and forget everything. Everyday, I'm dragging myself to go to school. I got a 67 in a major subject, and our thesis, it's far from being finished. I want to review my notes, but my brain won't work. I want to understand these lessons, but my brain, won't, work. Lord, I'm really tired. Ayoko na po. Hindi ko na alam 'yung gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Natatakot po ako para sa future ko. What if hindi ako maka-graduate on time? Lord, I'm scared.
The people around me, I tend to shut myself from them. Lord, I'm sorry if I hate the people that you've placed in my life to protect me. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
Lord, I thought I was fine. But NO I WAS NOT. I forced myself to believe that happiness can be found here in this fallen world. I thought I can face everyday by myself. I thought I can do things independently. BUT AGAIN, I WAS VERY WRONG. Lord, I'm sorry. Forgive me."

I started to sob real hard.

Lord, please, don't let this happen again. I don't want to be apart from you. Not again. Please Lord, I want to be with you forever. To depend on you always. Not depending on my strength, but Yours. Lord I pray that simple things won't hinder or distract me to be with you. No hindrances to serve you.

"Lord thank you for opening my eyes that there is something wrong with me. Thank you for not hardening my heart. Thank you. Thank you for letting me realize the things that I really need to change and the things that I need to let go of. Thank you for reminding me, that You are a sovereign, gracious, merciful, loving, forgiving, compassionate, wise, holy, kind, amazing God. Thank you that I am not alone. Friends and families will leave me someday, but not You. This world will pass, but not You. Thank you Lord God."